Yesterday afternoon, I was surprised when my sweet "little sisters" paid me a visit at work. It wasn't the first time they had done so, so I wasn't shocked, but they came in bearing treats: a plate of brownies that Sister Creswell had baked. They came into my office and sat down, and immediately I noticed that Sister Marino's eyes were puffy and swollen. I was concerned and asked if she had been crying. She told me that she was just tired. Sister Creswell piped ialkn that that she simply had trouble sleeping the night before. I introduced them to Tim, and to Maria, who came in to pick Tim up. We chatted for a few, joined by Cooper (Cory Cooper is a coworker) and enjoyed the treats.
After a while of small talk, Sister Creswell got very serious and said they needed to talk to me. She injected that they had good news, and she got a little teary eyed.
She then went on to ask how I was doing, and how I was feeling about everything. To be honest, my memIory of the actual lead in to the main part of this conversation is a bit fuzzy, because of the overwhelming nature of it all. But she mentioned baptism. I told her that I knew this was coming; that I could tell that they were headed in that direction at the end of our lesson the day before. She told me that I was mistaken, because they couldn't talk about it until this point. She explained that although they had been given permission to instruct me, I would have had to return to my geographically designated ward in order to be baptized, however; they had received a call the night before that had said that because I had been a part of the Murray 22nd ward and because I had spent so much time with the sisters, that I could continue there. Until this moment, they had not the jurisdiction to invite me to be baptized, but now they could. This was the reason that they couldn't sleep the night before - they had been so excited by this news!!'
It really isn't possible to describe the feelings that overwhelmed me. In fact, it took many hours before I could even retell the events. First and foremost, I felt so much love and gratitude for the amount of effort that they (and Doug, the bishop) had put into advocating for me, and for the right to instruct me. I was absolutely bewildered by the fact that they were so moved and so excited to be able to invite me to baptism. I realize that sounds strange, as part of being a missionary is most certainly to help non-LDS folk get to that point. But for me, whose own mother can't/won't expend effort to be a part of my life, it is always a rather extraordinary experience to have people that are not only willing, but that are actually active in being part of my life.
Of course, I would be lying if I said that all of my emotions were positive. In that moment, I was completely overwhelmed with fear, as well. As mentioned in my previous post, the Catholic background has left me with the preconceived notion that I must spent a great deal of time preparing and proving my worth. There are just so many questions I have - so many reasons why I feel I will never be "good enough" to be a part of ANY religion.
The thing is this: Sister Marino is here on borrowed time. Her mission call is for a mission in Brazil. She is only here due to problems with procuring her visa. And so she will not be here for much longer.
I want to be clear about the fact that I will not proceed with baptism until I know that the time is right. But, I have now acknowledged that I feel that it is part of my path. And the philosophy of the LDS religion is different than that of the Catholic. It is one that teaches that through baptism and confirmation, one's faith is strengthened. However, these beautiful spirits have been my guides through this investigation, and there is definitely a desire (and it is so strong that it nearly feels like a need) to have them be a part of that monumental event.
I reminded them that we had not finished the lessons, and asked when they were talking about. Sister Creswell told me that they were thinking that May 24 would be a good day. That's only two weeks away!!!! I openly voiced my hesitation. My dear sisters comforted me, telling me how strong they know my spirit to be, and how they know that I am ready. I expressed that I didn't even know what was expected of me. Sister Marino read to me the three covenants that I would be making. They were all three things that have already become a part of my life. Sister Creswell told me that if I didn't feel ready, that I did not need to feel pressured. She assured me that we could easily complete the lessons by that time if we spent a little extra time together, but she also stressed the point that I should not do anything I was not ready to do; that if I needed more time, I could take as long as I needed.
I really feel like I am not doing this story justice. I'm missing some of the most beautiful things said to me, and I feel like I have some it out of sequence. I keep wanting to add in parts from other stories like Sister Creswell telling me that she knows the spirit has answered their prayers to be able to help me, like when they had other investigators that they were supposed to meet after Sunday School a couple of weeks ago, who didn't show up which allowed them to attend Relief Society with me. They knew as well as I do that without their asking and going with me, I would almost certainly not have attended, and would have missed out on one of the most beautiful lessons to date. I think that this was such a profound and huge moment, that my mind simply cannot process it perfectly, and so I'm throwing in a bunch of other thoughts, conversations, etc. I feel like it is impossible to capture the essence of this question they were posing, and of the depth and significance of this moment.
I'm so grateful that God sent these beautiful souls to be a part of my life and my journey. Regardless of the specific details (and dang it, I am really frustrated by my lack of eloquence or even memory of this most special experience!), I was asked simply to pray about May 25: to know if that is the right time for me to take this step. There was no pressure whatsoever (save for that I have placed on myself due to the imminent departure of half of this special pair) to rush into anything. And so, pray I will, knowing full well that I will indeed get the answers to my questions.
After a while of small talk, Sister Creswell got very serious and said they needed to talk to me. She injected that they had good news, and she got a little teary eyed.
She then went on to ask how I was doing, and how I was feeling about everything. To be honest, my memIory of the actual lead in to the main part of this conversation is a bit fuzzy, because of the overwhelming nature of it all. But she mentioned baptism. I told her that I knew this was coming; that I could tell that they were headed in that direction at the end of our lesson the day before. She told me that I was mistaken, because they couldn't talk about it until this point. She explained that although they had been given permission to instruct me, I would have had to return to my geographically designated ward in order to be baptized, however; they had received a call the night before that had said that because I had been a part of the Murray 22nd ward and because I had spent so much time with the sisters, that I could continue there. Until this moment, they had not the jurisdiction to invite me to be baptized, but now they could. This was the reason that they couldn't sleep the night before - they had been so excited by this news!!'
It really isn't possible to describe the feelings that overwhelmed me. In fact, it took many hours before I could even retell the events. First and foremost, I felt so much love and gratitude for the amount of effort that they (and Doug, the bishop) had put into advocating for me, and for the right to instruct me. I was absolutely bewildered by the fact that they were so moved and so excited to be able to invite me to baptism. I realize that sounds strange, as part of being a missionary is most certainly to help non-LDS folk get to that point. But for me, whose own mother can't/won't expend effort to be a part of my life, it is always a rather extraordinary experience to have people that are not only willing, but that are actually active in being part of my life.
Of course, I would be lying if I said that all of my emotions were positive. In that moment, I was completely overwhelmed with fear, as well. As mentioned in my previous post, the Catholic background has left me with the preconceived notion that I must spent a great deal of time preparing and proving my worth. There are just so many questions I have - so many reasons why I feel I will never be "good enough" to be a part of ANY religion.
The thing is this: Sister Marino is here on borrowed time. Her mission call is for a mission in Brazil. She is only here due to problems with procuring her visa. And so she will not be here for much longer.
I want to be clear about the fact that I will not proceed with baptism until I know that the time is right. But, I have now acknowledged that I feel that it is part of my path. And the philosophy of the LDS religion is different than that of the Catholic. It is one that teaches that through baptism and confirmation, one's faith is strengthened. However, these beautiful spirits have been my guides through this investigation, and there is definitely a desire (and it is so strong that it nearly feels like a need) to have them be a part of that monumental event.
I reminded them that we had not finished the lessons, and asked when they were talking about. Sister Creswell told me that they were thinking that May 24 would be a good day. That's only two weeks away!!!! I openly voiced my hesitation. My dear sisters comforted me, telling me how strong they know my spirit to be, and how they know that I am ready. I expressed that I didn't even know what was expected of me. Sister Marino read to me the three covenants that I would be making. They were all three things that have already become a part of my life. Sister Creswell told me that if I didn't feel ready, that I did not need to feel pressured. She assured me that we could easily complete the lessons by that time if we spent a little extra time together, but she also stressed the point that I should not do anything I was not ready to do; that if I needed more time, I could take as long as I needed.
I really feel like I am not doing this story justice. I'm missing some of the most beautiful things said to me, and I feel like I have some it out of sequence. I keep wanting to add in parts from other stories like Sister Creswell telling me that she knows the spirit has answered their prayers to be able to help me, like when they had other investigators that they were supposed to meet after Sunday School a couple of weeks ago, who didn't show up which allowed them to attend Relief Society with me. They knew as well as I do that without their asking and going with me, I would almost certainly not have attended, and would have missed out on one of the most beautiful lessons to date. I think that this was such a profound and huge moment, that my mind simply cannot process it perfectly, and so I'm throwing in a bunch of other thoughts, conversations, etc. I feel like it is impossible to capture the essence of this question they were posing, and of the depth and significance of this moment.
I'm so grateful that God sent these beautiful souls to be a part of my life and my journey. Regardless of the specific details (and dang it, I am really frustrated by my lack of eloquence or even memory of this most special experience!), I was asked simply to pray about May 25: to know if that is the right time for me to take this step. There was no pressure whatsoever (save for that I have placed on myself due to the imminent departure of half of this special pair) to rush into anything. And so, pray I will, knowing full well that I will indeed get the answers to my questions.
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